This is me checking in, just filling you in on something personal. Two months ago I found myself in a situation where I had been in many times unfortunately. Hungover and regretting my decisions or the things I said the night before, I decided it was time to change, seriously. Being a new mom is a wild experience and it has its roller coaster ride of emotions but there is something about my little girl that just pushes me to be better. I don’t know if it’s because she reminds me of a miniature version of myself, before the world messed me up and I realized the cruelties of life, but I just refuse to mess her up. I took it upon myself to stop drinking COMPLETELY for her. If me not drinking means that she will never taste a drop of alcohol until she is 21 or older then I will gladly do it. I refuse to let her go through all of the things I had to go through because I started drinking at an early age. I refuse. Well anyway, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that it has been the easiest of journeys…it seems almost as if life decided to throw all these obstacles at me as soon as I decided to quit drinking. We decided to move a week before Christmas and I swear it has probably been the most stressful time. I had a panic attack in the process of all this and we had family over during Christmas, in this pandemic, and everything has just been freaking me out to the max. I have always had anxiety and depression since I was a teen but I had always coped with it, I guess, or actually hid behind alcohol and substances. Now that I have decided to try and live a healthier lifestyle, the universe decides it’s got jokes for me…being sober is HARD I’m not going to lie. I am not going to tell you that it gets easier as the days go by , as others would like to say, it doesn’t. Every single day you will be faced with stresses, issues, and people that you just want to run away from… but hang in there, please. I have not relapsed, nor do I intend on it. I have had so many opportunities to do so, or even just moments where I have felt like saying “fuck it , I deserve a drink!” , but NO. I refuse to go back, I have come such a long way and my baby girl is so proud of me. I am so proud of me. Every day is a decision made, and I am in control. Mental illness is real, don’t ever let anyone make you feel broken…
Truths from a Mommy 