Patty’s Pops

Momma Bear

Have you ever craved something cold and sweet but stayed away because of the insane sugar content or other unhealthy ingredients they contain? Or maybe you went ahead and indulged and felt instantly guilty right after because of all of the calories and sugar you just injected? Well, look no further because Patty’s Pops is coming to a town near you and you will NOT be disappointed!

Patty’s Pops will have a variety of delicious popsicles that are made fresh every single day with only organic fruits and vegetables. There will be a different variety of flavors every week and a tasty treat for every palate. Our ingredients are fresh, farm to table, and they will not disappoint. So next time you are craving something sweet and cold to battle the blistering heat ahead and head over to Patty’s Pops and live life guilt free!

On my mind

Momma Bear

You’re on my mind more than you should be. I think about you every single hour of every single day, there are no breaks. It can get overwhelming at times, I feel like I can’t breathe. I try to keep myself busy throughout the day so that my brain does not have the time, or luxury to stop and dwell on how badly I miss you. The nights are the worst though, I have no control over my dreams and they feel so real. It’s almost as if it’s an alternate life and you’re right there , so close but so far at the same time. We are happy and together. I always complain about how busy and loud my days turn out to be, but honestly, I love it because they keep me distracted from the pain of you not being here.

It’s only when the late night hours come around and everyone’s asleep that the thoughts creep in and start to slowly take over every cell in my body. It’s so quiet but my thoughts are so loud, it’s like they’re screaming. What I would do to be able to feel you close to me, cuddled close, skin to skin the way we used to be before the world got real and decided to tear us apart. Nothing could bother us, even when both of our worlds seemed to be falling apart it was ok because we had each other and just the scent of your skin could keep me calm. I can not wait for our worlds to collapse into each other again and we can find the peace that only we could bring to one another once again. I love you and everything that I do to better myself is for you, and because of you.

New home & a fractured foot.

Momma Bear

After many, many months of house hunting and saving up our money, we finally found and purchased our first home. It has been a very exciting time for our little family, however, it has been extremely busy and I have been away from here for a long time. The past few months I have been spinning out of control because it seemed as if there was no time to even take a breath! I had to pack up a three bedroom apartment by myself and make sure that I finished my school semester strong as well. Between all the moving arrangements and juggling school, my two kids, and my two dogs I felt like I was literally losing myself in all of the chaos. Thankfully, two weeks ago we finally and officially moved into a super cute four bedroom home just a few minutes away from my mom’s house; which is a huge plus. Being so close to family has been such a blessing, especially because it just so happens that on the exact same day that we were moving in, I broke my damn foot.

Yup, as the movers were finishing unloading the rest of our belongings, I was also unloading a few of the things I had packed up in the Jeep. My four year old daughter insisted that I let our pug, Olive, ride in the middle seat with her and her brother in the backseat. I knew in my gut that it wasn’t a great idea, but I did not want to crush her so early in the morning so I caved in and let Olive ride in the back. Well, not too far down the road from our apartment on the way to our new home, Olive pooped in the backseat. Instant regret and anger filled my body but I could not stop the Jeep, I had to get to our new home before the movers so that I could let them in. As soon as I pulled up, I realized we made it before them so I drove the jeep around the back of the house to clean and dump the stinky poop into our trashcan outside. I drove back around to the front just in time because the movers were pulling up. I opened the door for them and they began to unload quickly as I also decided to unload the few things I had loaded up in the Jeep. I had placed Olive in his crate back in the trunk with our other dog Bunny and I was almost done unloading everything, I felt so accomplished and close to the finish line. I unloaded Bunny and when I got Olive and his crate down I realized that he had pooped AGAIN! This time in his crate but I was still so annoyed as I quickly cleaned up his mess and ran to the backyard so that I could throw it out in the trashcan outside. I was making my way back up to the front so that I could finally take the kids out of their car seats and finish our move officially when the worst thing happened.

I was lightly jogging from the backyard to the front thinking, ‘Well this is a great way to burn off some calories this morning.’, when I heard the ugliest crack and I collapsed to the ground. As I was running to the front, I stepped wrong on a little hill of dirt and my right foot twisted inward as my whole weight landed on it. I saw little black and white dots and I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain. I got up and forced myself to hobble over to the Jeep and got my two kids out and herded them inside. That is where I collapsed on the first chair that I could find and my body just gave out on me, I could not move. The movers were just gawking at me unsure of what to do or say. I just paid them and told that I would be ok and had them on their way. Once they were gone, I tried to stand up and test how much weight I could place on my foot and I quickly realized that was a terrible idea. I heard the crack again and collapsed to the ground from the pain and almost blacked out. I have given birth twice and I promise you that this felt more painful to me than those two times going through labor.

I just sat there on the ground and I could feel my eyes filling up with hot tears of anger and frustration. I could not believe this was happening to me! After so many months of hard work and the extreme amount of stress I had been putting myself through to ensure that the move went smoothly and finishing my semester, this just seemed like a cruel joke. I looked around and saw countless boxes that needed to be unpacked and I wanted to do so many things, I just could not deal with anything; I felt powerless. Thankfully, my mom came to my rescue and dragged my kids and I to an urgent care near me. Turns out my foot was pretty badly fractured and they provided me with a clunky, black boot brace and crutches and the doctor told me to stay off my foot for two weeks then continue to wear the boot for an additional two weeks. I just laughed out loud because I could not believe the situation I was in.

It has been the strangest two weeks of my life. I have never felt so powerless, I have become used to doing things for myself and getting things done no matter what. Now, for the first time ever, all I could do was sit still; literally. I feel like maybe it was a lesson that I needed to learn at the moment, to just sit still and enjoy being in the moment instead of spiraling all over the place, trying to get everything done. I had the hardest time during the first few days, especially when people would tell me to ‘relax and rest’. Thankfully, my mom has come through for me so much throughout this whole time. She stepped up and has been coming twice a day to help me out with my dogs, my kids, and even has helped me unpack and arrange things throughout our new home. I am so grateful for her and my sister, Aaliyah, because I truly would not have been able to get through any of this without them!

Update on my anxiety…

Momma Bear

A couple months ago it seemed like my panic attacks had come to a peak. I would wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating out of my chest and finding it difficult to breathe. I would lay awake for hours just trying to breathe deeply and calm myself as I tried to sleep whatever hours that I could because I knew that my kids would wake up soon and it would be go time from there until they fell asleep at night. The mornings would begin and I would usually have a debilitating headache and a feeling of impending doom. Why? I don’t know but it was getting unbearable. I always felt like when you are about neck deep in a cold pool and you feel like the breath is being taken out of you, or when you are about to do something bad that you know aren’t supposed to be doing; that loud and pounding heart feeling. Sometimes it would get so bad that all I could manage to do in an entire day was make some grilled cheese for the kids and then curl up in a ball on the carpet on the living room floor, wrapped up in my favorite blanket to keep the panic levels down. I was really getting concerned about my health and convinced myself that something must be terribly wrong with me if I was feeling like that every single day and I finally worked up the courage to make an appointment with my doctor so they could take blood out and check all my levels.

I asked my mom to come over and watch the kids so I could go get myself checked out and she agreed right away because apparently my whole family was getting worried about my situation. My biggest fear was that something terrible would happen to me and nobody would even know for hours, since my husband has been working out of state, I was horrified at the thought of my babies being left alone and scared because something happened to me. Anyway, I went to the doctor and they took out five vials of blood to check my hormones, my thyroid, my white blood cell count, if I was anemic, etc. A week later they called me in to go over my results and the doctor informed me that I was absolutely, perfectly healthy. There was nothing wrong with me physically and all of my levels were off the chart amazing. Relieved, yet confused I slumped in my chair and asked the doctor what she recommended next. She said that it seemed as if everything might be in my head, she asked me if I suffered from anxiety or depression and I told her all about my first panic attack that sent me to the emergency room only because I was convinced I was going into cardiac arrest. In the emergency room, embarrassingly, they told me that I was just having a panic attack and I needed to hydrate more and they just shrugged me off. It had been two years since that first panic attack, and there I was still trying to figure out what to do. The doctor referred me to a cardiologist so that they can run some tests and see if the heart palpitations were because of an actual problem with my heart or if it was ‘all in my head’. My doctor seemed convinced that I am suffering from depression and that is what is bringing on these random panic attacks…depressed? I have never been happier or in a better place in my life…I do miss my husband terribly but he will coming home soon and the kids and I will most likely be traveling up with him on his next assignment. Which is cool because we will be able to explore the country a little bit and the kids will get to see places they otherwise never would. It will be an adventure! Sure, the world is going to shit and we are probably about to go into our Third World War, but other than that I feel ‘normal’?

I recently went to the cardiologist, waited FOUR hours to be seen and there they performed an EKG on me and said that everything looked relatively normal. There were a couple spikes that they want to look further into, but for the most part the cardiologist said I seemed to be healthy. He set me up for another appointment to perform an ultrasound of my heart and a stress test, not too excited about that. Those results will determine whether the palpitations are being caused by one of the valves in my heart not opening and closing properly or if it really is just ‘all in my head’. Gosh, I am so tired of hearing that. He even recommended me smoking a joint, which made me giggle to myself because if only he knew that in my past that was always my go to medication. However, he said since it is not legal here, he could not legally advise me to do that. I am not comfortable with taking prescription medications, personally, because in my past I had a problem with that…I definitely do not want to play with fire and mess around with prescription medications for anxiety and/or depression. I am going to get those tests done and see what the results are and then go on from there. If it is all in my head how they all seem to keep telling me, then I am just going to stay strong and ride the waves of my panic attacks as they come. Mind over matter. Knowing that my body is perfectly healthy and that I am not going to go into cardiac arrest is highly reassuring and I think I will be able to calm myself through the storms on my own… wish me luck guys!

I finally found the hair products that work for me!

Momma Bear

As some of you all know, I have been dealing with alopecia since I was 21 years old. I am about to be 29 in July and to this day no one has been able to tell me exactly what is the cause of the alopecia or how to treat it. It has been the most annoying and emotionally tumultuous roller coaster ride in my life honestly. I have looked high and low for a solution to my problem and I have not been able to find anything that truly works , or that is healthy for me. I started going to the dermatologist as soon as the issue began and first they prescribed a strange cream to put on the spots that would appear, but it was so greasy and it just ended up making my hair fall out worse. The next thing the dermatologist tried was giving me corticosteroid injections on my scalp, I would have to go every three months and get at least 20 injections at a time. That method worked somewhat, but it was extremely painful and it was not really the healthiest thing. The latest thing I tried, and spent thousands of dollars on, was laser hair therapy. I would have to go twice a week for thirty minutes and sit in a chair while the red laser lights soaked up in my scalp in addition to taking vitamins that the doctor prescribed and applying minoxidil on the spots twice a day. The laser hair therapy seemed to be working but when I asked the doctor what he would recommend after the six month treatment was over, I was a little disappointed to hear that if I chose to discontinue the treatment then all of the progress I made would go back to square one. I was devastated because it seemed like I had finally found the remedy to my problems but I did not want to keep applying minoxidil to my scalp because there are harmful chemicals in there that can really cause some harm in the long run. Plus, going to the doctor twice a week with two toddlers is definitely not easy so I decided to quit the treatment when the six months were over, and as expected, a BUNCH of my hair fell out.

I was back to being depressed and felt like there was no way out of this. Well, one day I was scrolling through instagram and I came across a post that claimed to be selling ‘real organic’ hair products. I had a heart full of doubt but I decided to explore the page a bit more and was very pleased with what I saw. It seemed too good to be true but I sent the user a direct message and told her about my situation and asked about her products. Her name is Clarissa and she was so nice and attentive to me, she took the time to explain to me in detail what each of her products was for and exactly what ingredients went into making each product. She was very authentic and honest about her products and she had plenty of before and after pictures on her page, I felt safe and determined to give her products a try. Clarissa is from New York City and she started her business from the ground up in the midst of the COVID pandemic, she has the best heart and she has a true passion for what she does; truly inspiring! Her business also offers amazing, organic bars of soap that help with any skin issues that you may have. Acne? No problem. stretch marks or dark spots? She has it all! Clarissa always takes the time to respond to whatever question I may have and I have come to see her as a friend and a gift from above because her hair products are actually 100 percent organic and they have helped my hair incredibly. My hair has never felt or looked healthier and it does not fall out anywhere as much as it used to. All of my spots have little baby hairs growing in them and I honestly have not been happier with my hair since this whole nightmare began. By these products restoring my hair they also restored my confidence and my mental Heath as well! Thank you Clarissa for doing what you do and may God bless your hands and your amazing business! If you are interested in exploring more of the amazing products she has to offer check her out @clarissa_organics go show her some love and support, she truly is the best!

How to make caldo de pollo

Momma Bear

Caldo de pollo has been one of my favorite dishes since I was a little girl. I remember my mom used to make it all the time whenever the weather was cold, which is rare for south Texas, so when she did make it , it was a delicacy. Growing up I never really appreciated the hard work that went into making caldo de pollo, it was delicious but I recall telling my mother that it was just a ‘side dish’ and I needed more food. I know, rude. Now that I am older and have a family of my own I try my best to make the healthiest and most nutritious foods for my babies so that they can get the best out of their meals, and this has become one of their favorites. Thankfully, they are a lot more appreciative than I was as a younger child and they always tell me how much they love their caldo de pollo. This last time it was freezing down here, I happily gathered all off my ingredients and set off to make the best caldo ever. After all of the chopping and hard work we sat down to enjoy our bowl of caldo. Well guess what this super smart momma did? I totally forgot to put the CHICKEN in the caldo! I know, totally dumb air-headed move but I managed to save the day however by placing my chicken in the oven so it could heat up and then shredding it into the caldo; the meal was saved! Alright , so enough silliness, here is how I make my caldo.

INGREDIENTS:

1. Chicken (I get mine ready to go, oven roasted chicken from the market; already cooked) I prefer the orange pepper rotisserie chicken from HEB

2. Chicken broth

3. Carrots

4. Celery

5. A couple zucchini squash

6. Potatoes

7. Corn on the cob (I use about 3 of the long corns but I rip them in half)

8. Cabbage

9. A couple Chayotes

10. One or two cloves of garlic

11. Red onion

12. Spanish rice ( I like to add Spanish rice to my caldo, that’s totally up to you) I have a post that I made a while back on how to make the Spanish rice.

13. Serrano pepper (this one is up to you if you like spicy stuff. I love taking bites of it as I eat my caldo)

14. Knorr

15. Salt & pepper

16. Garlic salt

HOW TO MAKE THE CALDO:

1. In a large pot (where you can for a lot of water) fill it about halfway with water and add in the entire container of chicken broth and set to a medium high to start boiling

2. After you wash all your veggies, start chopping the carrots and potatoes into little chunks and throw them in the pot. (I start with the carrots and potatoes because they take the longest to boil) boil that for about 12-15 minutes until they are fork tender.

3. While the above is boiling, chop the celery, garlic, and some onion and throw it into the pot once the carrots and potatoes have softened. Leave that for about 8 minutes and add a tablespoon of Knorr, sprinkle some salt, pepper, and the garlic salt. (Not too much because we will gradually be adding more)

4. Now is a good time to take that chicken and start shredding it into the pot, and add another tablespoon of knorr and mix everything up.

5. Chop the chayotes and zucchinis and go ahead and add them to the pot as well. These cook pretty fast so you only need to leave them for about 10 minutes.

6. Now is a good time to add the corn and let it boil along with the chayote and zucchini because it also needs to boil for at least ten minutes. While that’s happening add shreds of cabbage (I like to chop it into little one inch squares because it’s easier for the babies to eat rather than when it’s large, long chunks)

7. Your masterpiece is complete, add salt and pepper to taste, and another tablespoon of knorr to taste and let everything boil for those 10 minutes or so. (Not too long because then everything gets a little mushy, which I don’t mind at all but some people do)

8. Now this is optional but if you’re going to add the Serrano peppers, wash them and cut a thin slice in the middle of the pepper, not all the way through just a surface slice and throw it in to boil when you throw in the chayote, corn, and zucchini. It won’t make the whole caldo spicy so so t worry, I just like to take little nibbles of the Serrano pepper as I eat my caldo.

9. Now if you made the Spanish rice as well , you can add some of it to your caldo along with some lemon and enjoy this magical dish! (The rice takes about 30-32 minutes to cook so make sure to start at the same time that you start your caldo so that everything will be ready at the same time.

I hope you guys enjoy, and yes I know it seems like a lot of chopping and work but TRUST me it is so worth it and it’s packed with vitamins and minerals!

Homeschooling journey begins

Momma Bear

The time has finally come. My little Luna is going to be four years old this April and I just can’t handle it. I am amazed at how quickly the time has gone by, and saddened at the same time. It’s very bittersweet for me because my little girl is growing. She is so smart, so amazing, so intelligent and she is just a little fireball of bravery and magic; she’s my best friend. Somehow time slipped through my fingers throughout all these amazing moments and memories and now I was faced with the question I have been dodging for months now. When is Luna starting school?

I knew I was going to have to come up with a plan and soon because time was just passing me by and Luna just seems to get smarter by the day. I swear she’s like a little sponge, so ready to absorb all the knowledge possible. After lots of consideration, research, and analyzing the contagion we are currently living in, my husband and I decided that we were going to homeschool our kids; at least for now. They are so little and nobody seems to really know what is going on with this whole COVID thing, it’s ridiculous, I am so sick of this alternate reality we seemed to accidentally slip into. I would love for my babies to live a normal life and attend school like we all did when we were small. Sure I hated going to school but I was young and didn’t know the craziness that we would one day be forced to face. Oh the things we all took for granted…

Anyway, I researched for months and came to a curriculum called Time4Learning and I really like the way they do their lessons. Since I am new to this homeschooling realm I feel like this curriculum is perfect for us because it is easy to navigate through and Luna is captivated by the lessons and activities they have to offer. At first I thought I was going to have to buy her an IPad or something because she would have difficulty using my MacBook, but surprisingly she navigated through her lessons quite well today. Today was her first day and she completed two Math lessons and two Science lessons,; I could not be more proud. My little bug is growing up so quickly, I can not even remember the moment she went from baby to toddler, and now I feel like she’s hopping over from toddler to a full on kid! She challenges me and teaches me things every single day, she is literally the most amazing girl ever.

If we continue to find success in this program then I will enroll Noah next year. He just turned two so he is still too little. Noah sat down next to Luna during her math lesson, looked at it for a few seconds and goes ‘’mama me play ball hallway”, and I just giggled to myself and told him to go ahead. My little boy, he melts my heart. Noah is very supportive of his sister Luna and her homeschool journey, he is full of nothing but love. So wish me luck guys. It does get a little frustrating at times , but that is because I am literally learning along with her and I try my very best to ensure she has the best experience possible during her schooling time because if I make her feel anxious or stressed out in any kind of way during her learning, then she might shut down and not want to try. I know we can do this! ♥️

Something is happening.

Momma Bear

My anxiety has been bubbling lately. I can never really seem to put my finger on it, the reason why I always feel like the sky is falling. I do not even remember the day I began feeling this way, but I know it was not always this way. Honestly, I used to be one of those people that did not believe anxiety was a real thing, weak people made anxiety up as an excuse to not being able to deal or cope with their realities. Well, I was very wrong because soon enough it began happening to me and let me tell you, anxiety is a real thing; one hundred percent. I have been trying to find ways to deal with it and in a way where my kids do not really notice what is going on because I do not want to rub off on them. I want them to be brave and fearless, not crippled by anxiety…like me.

I don’t know what it is. Before, the anxiety would come rarely and in the most random of times. Now, I feel like I am at the tippy top of the world’s highest roller coaster, just waiting to plummet back down…but I never fall. I just feel like I’m about to fall and the terror never simmers away, it’s constantly there. I feel like something terrible is about to happen, all of the time. I can’t explain why or what triggers me to feel this way but I feel it in the air as well. I know it sounds kind of looney, but I swear the atmosphere feels off lately; like the planet has anxiety. Something isn’t right and I think I’m such an empath that the imbalance within the world and the people truly has an effect on me physically. I just feel like there is something I need to do and I can not figure out what it is. I am just trying my ultimate best to be the best mom, be the best me I can be because I feel like we are running out of time. Why? I don’t know. It is just an urgency I feel within me to get as much done as I can, yet sit still and enjoy every waking moment. Taking it all in, the smells of my sleeping babies as the morning begins, the sounds of their laughter as I smother them with tickles and kisses, and the feeling of love flowing within our family when we are all together. It feels infinite, WE are infinite, and I am certain to my core that no matter what lifetime that we will always find one another.

So, I do not know what the future will hold or why I was dealt the anxiety card but I promise I’ll overcome it. I overcome the anxiety beast every single day, it seems. I refuse to allow it to control me or to pass it down to my kids. I will continue searching for ways to live with this and avoiding things that trigger the panic. So far I have noticed that coffee definitely is the number one trigger for me. If I do not eat by noon or 1pm I also begin to feel like I am about to go into an anxiety attack, and also not drinking enough water. I never used to be this way, sometimes I worry that something is wrong me physically…but I do not want to go down that rabbit hole. Driving sometimes can be a trigger, I have to focus on the brake lights of the cars or turn on the music and sing, loud. Don’t judge. Anxiety is real, and something is happening in the world, now all I can do is keep surviving and fighting everyday because I need to be the hero my kids think I am.

As you sleep..

Momma Bear

Endless thoughts keep rushing in my mind like a loud waterfall I can never really seem to escape from. It always seems to be so loud in here and it’s been this way for as long as I can remember. In the deafening silence from lying wide awake at 4am, I notice the sound of you breathing next to me. My little boy, you have only been in my life for two years and already I know that you were the missing piece. You are what I had been searching for for so long and I just never knew it.

The sound of your peaceful breathing next to me reminds me that there is always something to fight for in the world, as long as there is love. Love is the feeling I get when I look into your beautiful, big, brown eyes or when you place your tiny, chubby hands on the sides of my face before you drift off to sleep. In a world full of darkness with a humanity that is quickly losing faith in itself, you my love, are a breath of fresh air. The grand amount of light and love you carry within your little body is what this world needs to keep going.

I truly do not know what I did right to deserve you and your sister but I am eternally grateful to God for allowing me to be your mommy in this lifetime and I promise you guys that I will find you in every lifetime to come. You are what brought me to life when I had already decided that there was no more life within me and I was just ready for whatever horrible tragedy was to become of me. You brought out the greatness in me, the mother goddess warrior, and I am ready to fight for you always. I truly believe you will make this world a better place and you have so much to offer.

I am terrified of what this world is becoming and for bringing you into this. You are too pure to be brought up in this chaos, but I know that you will be a light in this darkness just as you have been the lighthouse that brought me home. The love I have for you is beyond infinite and I can not wait to see what magic you bring into this life my baby.

Holiday Blues

Momma Bear

People seem to be the saddest this time of year. Sure, it seems like half of the planet is engulfed in Christmas time cheer and so focused on whose gift is going to be the best; it’s nauseating. For me, personally, the holidays have never really been the cheeriest days of the year. I tend to feel more on the blue side and find myself sort of going through the motions. I do not know if it would be because my childhood memories are not filled with big family gatherings and cousins my age running wild, filling the home with laughter and joy. It was actually quite the opposite, everything was always so quiet and gloomy for some reason. It was rare if my father made it home on time for us to eat dinner, and as soon as he did get home, everything seemed to go from gloom to tense and rushed. I always remember sitting in my room by myself most Christmas Eves and watching the cheesy holiday movies, thinking to myself how cool it must be to have a big family and actually create fun memories like that.

Fast forward to now, and I find myself being a full on grown up. I made it to twenty eight years of life and I find myself laughing because I remember at one point, I never even believed I was going to make it twenty five. I have been blessed enough to have made it through the struggles life threw at me and I never gave in to the voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough, I kept pushing and believing. Now, I have my own beautiful little family. I have my amazing husband that I call my unicorn, because there is no way that he is real, he was made just for me. He loves me so much, even in the moments when I do not care to love myself. Together we created two amazing little humans, Luna and Noah, and now I get to celebrate the holidays the way the people in the movies do. This marriage has allowed for our family to grow and now we all get together and create memories with the babies, I could not ask for more; my heart is so full!

My husband has found a job that seems to be the answer to all of our prayers, and I could not be more grateful for the work that he does. It is a little difficult for me because this means he has to be away from us, sometimes for months at a time and it so hard on us all because we miss him so much. The gloom sets in again. Slowly, yet tactfully filling up the depths of my mind….why am I like this? Why can I not ever just be fully happy and focus on the amazing things. I have to try real hard not to let myself get asphyxiated by the sad gloomy thoughts. The babies make it easy because they bring such a tremendous amount of joy into my days, I just can not wait for the day when we can all be together again. Being an adult is hard and I do not recall the moment I suddenly crossed the bridge from living so carelessly to now having to deal with all of the stresses and emotions that come with adulting, and motherhood… oh motherhood is a tough bitch…but it has made me so much stronger and loving than I ever thought I could be…sorry for the random rant, I just have a lot in my head lately.